To be relentlessly lost…

I will be turning 26 in a few days and still trying to see my life from a better perspective.

What is it really like to be lost?

What is it like to be lost all the time?

Let me take you back to year 2000 when I first knew that I wanted to sing:

I will be turning 9 in a few months and still trying to find out what I want to do this summer break. Should I continue the ballet classes? Should I continue the piano classes? I hate both of them anyway so maybe in that moment, I was lost.

We went to the mall and a Coco Lee cassette tape caught my attention. It was playing the theme song of one of my core memories, “Before I Fall in Love”. I got the tape, listened to it then boom – music school enrollment, SIGNED.

Now let me take you back to year 2003 when I first knew that I wanted to own a restaurant someday and become a world-renowned culinary artist:

I will be turning 12 in a few days and still trying to find out why am I only allowed to help out in collecting money from people who got food from us when I can try the kitchen?

I got a plastic chair, stood upon it and started to collect the “finest” ingredients from our small restaurant’s cupboard. A pre-made Lemon Square cupcake, coffee powder, Milo, condensed milk and coffee creamer. I went to the kitchen and started to frost my very first “Mocha Cupcake”. From that day on, I pictured myself wearing a chef’s coat and hat plus three chins under my face. Yeah, I got to wear the uniform but not the title. Thankfully, the chins have been achieved.

So, let me take you back to year 2007 or AKA the Multiply and Xanga era of my generation.

I will be turning 15 in a few days and still trying to figure out if I should continue with photography, music production, early childhood education, culinary or web development? This is when I really wish that my 23-year old self popped up behind me and shouted “WEB DEVELOPMENT! DUH!”

My curiosity for technology and the internet began to itch. My frequent high scores in computer-related subjects did not hint me enough to find my “career spirit animal”.

But of course, I chose to continue with Culinary Arts and messed it up big time.

Now let’s go back to 2017.

Do I still sing? Yes.

Do I still cook? Yes.

Do my singing and cooking pay the bills? No.

Do I feel stuck? Yes.

Am I still lost? Yes.

Do I still have time? Yes.

We see all these articles about motivation and not feeling bad if we are still not CEOs at the age of 29. Still single at the age of 25. Still no savings at the age of 27. Still on Tinder at the age of 40. Still living in an apartment and not owning a house and lot at the age of 33.

Well this post is not to motivate you. It is to let you know that if you think you are too late, hop in my friend. The pressure of this world is a poison to all of us. And yes, it is scary.

Even while I am writing this, I keep on thinking about how much am I going to save up from this coming salary.

Take a step back and try to see. Who brought you to where you are right now? No one else but you. And you know it very well that it is only you who can move yourself to the next square. We all need to give ourselves a break and think: it does not have to be upwards.

As Tolkien once wrote: “Not all those who wander are lost.”

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